When I started writing, I didn't have access to the internet, so I used to write with my laptop. Now that I have opened my plogspot account, I (and you, dear reader) need to catch up. Here's my texts for the past few weeks. I wish I could get a camera so that I could add pictures.
VILNIUS AIROIRT, Tuesday 30.9.2008 - HERE I GO
My sister Aku begins her plogue "Aku’s wonderings" saying that every self-respective person today should have one. I definitely am a self-respective, modern person (and not a bit competitive to my sister), so let’s give it a try - even though as the arty-farty person I am I wonder if I start to sensor myself knowing that my text is public and that I don’t want to concentrate on writing about any specific topic. I need to write whatever I need to write. So what’s the point if you cant be honest and uncensored? The price of honesty might be hurting someone’s feelings, but on the other hand - since I’m not a psychopath and I don’t want to be mean to anyone - writing might bring up things that need to be dealt with. So, we’ll just see how it goes.
Now is a good time in my life to start new things. I am starting my new life today. I start writing in Vilnius airport. My flight to Barcelona leaves at 13.35, so I have an hour to concentrate on myself after I have left my homeland and all the comfort of being within my own culture. I will start my Erasmus studies at the Institute del Teatre, the Catalan-based theatre school in Barcelona. It’s unbelievable that I’m finally here - on my way! Away from Finland, away from my family, away from my friends. I love them, and I will miss them but I needed to leave them, because secretly I want to shout: "YEAH F*CK YOU ALL WHO HAVE PULLED ME DOWN, I’M GONNA DO MY THING, MY WAY AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME!!!" I assume this is a normal and perfectly justified feeling when you’re 22.
I don’t even have any Finnish books with me. I had to buy a dictionary from the airport. Last night before going to bed I realized my bag is heavily overweight. I desperately unloaded and repacked my bag trying to find something I could leave behind. Even though you are not what you wear, your clothes represent what you would like to be. In the last moment I took off my 1970’s biker style leather jacket, a black velvet blazer, and a pair of boots. All of them clothes which carry memories, but which I haven’t been wearing for a while. They have served their duty and it’s time to make room in my wardrobe. During last summer I have been living at my friend’s places to save some rent money. I had a bag full of dirty laundry, which I was supposed to wash at my sisters pace before the trip, but I unfortunately forgot the whole bag, so the only undies I have are the ones I’m wearing. That’s what I’d call a fresh start.
Vilnius airport is a spooky place. It’s full of hallways, stairways, elevators and glass walls. The distances are not long, but the complex structure in three floors creates an atmosphere of a labyrinth. Besides, there are not much people (on a Tuesday morning), only serious looking guards and security check spots. Luckily I found my way to the bar where I decided to start writing after a beef salad and a beer. By the way, dear readers, if you ever need to have a hot beef salad in Vilnius airport, please be aware that it consists only beef and salad.
So, when I will arrive in Barcelona at 16.10, I have a bloody heavy bag, which is still ten kilograms overweight, and then I need to fight my way to the metro and get to Fabra i Puig -station, which is the nearest to my flat. My flatmate is an actress. We have been face booking (isn’t the Internet great) I almost feel I know her already. I just hope that I get my luggage back without a problem. Last August when I was returning from Portugal, my bag was lost, and when I finally got it back, a red wine bottle had broken inside of it - I got lots of cute rosé underwear (are my underwear coursed somehow?!). My most fragile thing in my bag is my class Bodum coffee pot. I just couldn’t leave my precious pot! I have a French balcony in my room and I have been fantasizing about having cups of coffee by my balcony, watching sunrise, looking down to the street people passing by going to work. Tomorrow I will see what is the relation between reality and my fantasy.
1.10, THE FIRST DAY IS ABOUT TO BEGIN
The Balcony is perfect for the coffee moments! I got to the Fabra i Puig - station easily, but realized then I had forgotten my good map to the airport in the luggage trolley. The route seemed easy, so I just took my bag and started navigating by memory. Dear readers - don’t try this at home! After an hour going back and forth the streets (I wasn’t lost, I just couldn’t find my destination!) I was soaking with sweat, had blisters in my feet and sore back. Then I thought the street I was looking for must bee one block further where I was. I turned around the corner, and Tadaah! I was practically at my doorstep.
It’s my first morning in Barcelona. I hear construction workers talking and laughing, cars and motorbikes, dogs barking. I can see our neighbour on his balcony on the other side of the street (!) The noise reveals I’m not anymore in Turku, where I could mostly hear silence in the mornings. My room is quite small, but the sealing is high. The old house has lots of character. I love my balcony.
Questions of today are:
How and where do I get my coffee
Buying underwear, deodorant and pens.
Where do I get food
What are the everyday life things and where to find them
Telephone connection and metro card
Where’s the school
Where am I
2.10, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME
I found some answers to my questions. Firstly, coffee you get from a shop or a supermarket. Usually you cook your coffee with traditional pot. No filter coffee here. The first question was easy.
Yesterday I thought I’d find my route to the school. I went to the subway, bought a ticket and at the platform realize that I wasn’t in a subway tunnel, but waiting for the local train. Luckily the train’s destination was Terrassa, where I have the lessons, and since I already had the ticket (which probably was the wrong one. Luckily there were no inspectors) and nothing else to do, I decided to have an excursion. In Terrassa I didn’t find the school (later I heard I got up in the wrong station), but I did find a supermarket, where I bought all the necessities.
In a way I feel like a betray not doing all my shopping at the market place - since it’s what I’ve been dreaming of, but comfort won. I got deodorant, toothpaste, new underwear, and food. The first meal I cooked was dark spaghetti with onion, paprika and turkey
I also did some research around my neighbourhood. I found a library and a market I already mentioned, where you can get fresh fish, vegetables, fruits. Heavenly! Everything is fresh and affordable. I’m sure my diet will change to healthier and tastier way. The price of food in Finland makes many basic products, such as cheese luxurious for students.
I spend the evening hanging around the house by my French balcony. I bought a novel by Carlos Ruisz Zafón, the author of "The Shadow of the Wind". This one is one of his older ones "Las luces de ceptiembre" ("The lights of September") I’m already on row six! Ok, ok, reading in Spanish might be still a little slow and requires a dictionary, but I’m getting there - word by word.
My flatmate, let’s call her Nunu, is super nice! She seems to work very hard, which off course always happens if you want to make a living within the world of theatre. I heard that in Spain there’s a market for theatre producers. I’m fantasizing about getting involved with some theatrical projects. There’s a festival of speechless theatre somewhere near wher Nunu’s group has a performance. Nunu, I love you!
Que hora es!!! I need to get to the school for my meeting with my tutor.
A HOT DAY’S NIGH (the same day)
I love my balcony. I’m sitting by it drinking red wine with Coke, listening to the sounds of my street.
I got to the meeting with at the Institute del Teatre on time. Laura C, our international affairs coordinator gave an info package about Barcelona (sponsored by Vodafone) and marked several times that we need to be able to follow the lessons in Spanish. I can’t understand why she seemed so worried about our level of language. I at least kept talking all the time in Spanish. My tutors laughed and apparently couldn’t understand what I was saying, but clearly valued my trying.
The schooldays will start at 8.30 and usually end at 18.00. Erasmus students can choose courses freely from 1st, 3rd, and 4th year, since the 2nd year courses are already full. We’re not going to have full day at first, since we can’t take part on any theory lessons. I will study the timetable more careful tomorrow, but I will have at least pantomime, plain mask -technique, acrobatics, dance and "biomechanical theatre"(whatever that may be). Everything’s physical - no need to get a gym card. I’m very happy! Finally a schedule where you can actually choose! The days will be hard, and the language wall won’t make them any easier, but I feel like this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Happy are the ones who choose themselves how to live their life!
After the meeting I had a cup of coffee in the cafeteria with other Erasmus students. Kaisa is a student of puppet theatre and Anna is studying experimental theatre in a theatre school in Check Republic. We are all good-looking blue-eyed blondes, and I think we will be quite popular when we go out sometime in Barcelona.
One element can’t be left mentioned - C.C. was also there! I was in e-mail contact with Carol when I was looking for a flat, but I ended up together with Nunu. C.C is also nice. She took our adaptation to the Barcelona lifestyle as her personal project. She showed us around the city, had lunch, (and a can of sangria), and did some shopping and practised Spanish. My phrases of the day are:
"Tienes cojones!" "-You have the balls!" Usually it’s said to someone who’s very lazy when everybody else is working, it could be used also when you are so cool and trendy that you just can’t find anything to wear in the shops. My other phrase of the day is " Gracias, pero solo estoy mirando" - "Thank you, but I’m only looking"
Can somebody tell me what should I say to my mother who sends me text messages asking how I am? For any young man, mother is the most important lady in his life, but I don’t feel like reporting her personally all of my doings hour by hour. And if I answer only "I’m ok", or even worse, don’t answer at all she hurts her feelings, which I don’t want. How to say it in a nice way? "Mum, I love you -but for heavens sake- I can take care of my own things, and I know you are only caring for me, and off course you can call me sometimes, but I’m not going to put energy to worrying about you worrying about me, so relax a little"? Arrgh! Mums!
Me gusto mucho Barcelona. Most people are really friendly as long as you smile a little and go "HOLA!" Living among other people can be so easy.
I haven’t gotten to the Spanish rhythm yet. Its eleven o’clock and I feel like I can’t stay awake any longer. I should be only on my way to the restaurant for some tapas! I can’t understand - when are you supposed to sleep? Right now seems to be the most active hour in the neighbourhood.
4.10 Some ARTY stuff somewhere in CATALUNYA
Yesterday was really good! Nunu took me to a festival of gestural theatre in Esparreguera, which is town by the mountain Montserrat. Her group was rehearsing at the local theatre and I spend the day enjoying the festival life in the village. There was an open rehearsal of Commedia dell’Arte workshop. The teacher in the workshop was Ana Vásquez de Castro. She has studied in Madrid and then in the famous Jacques Lecoq -school in Paris. She told that she just coming from hosting a workshop at Teatterikorkeakoulu in Helsinki. It was interesting to see her samples of the characters and the work the people were doing. The participants were theatre students from Andalusia, Galicia and Barcelona. Vasquez de Castro is an impressive person. In theatre you sometimes meet her kind of people, whose presence you would probably describe as "rooty" or "centred". It has got something to do with gravity and breathing. She reminded me of Debbie, a Greek actress, who held my class a wonderful workshop just before I left Finland. Vasquez de Castro’s movement on the stage is not very big, but the idea of the movement seem to reach much further in space resulting economical and controlled movement that still obtains the feeling of impulsivity. I think all presence in a theatre stage should be somehow like that -compact - not loose, airy and static as it would be in normal life.
Debbie’s focus points in her workshop were breathing, listening your body feelings and your emotions. Anchoring to you own body and the present moment is reached with "grounding" exercises that contain breathing and meditation. Some great results were achieved in our workshop. When you are in contact with your emotions, you can find an authentic impulse from the material that you’re working with (for actor it’s usually the text). Acting is basically exaggeration and playing - and controlling the balance between controlled and uncontrolled.
I got to meet some of the students from Galicia theatre school in Orense. Noemi and Andrea were especially nice girls. I would like to pay them a visit sometime. ¡Viva la Facebook!
I also saw an act by duo Michaël & Caroline from Toulouse Circus School. They had a tremendous acrobatic number, which had really nice aesthetic side, but (because this viewers perspective is theatrical) I would have liked to see an act that combines amazing acrobatics, aesthetics, but also some classic dramaturgy.
Another peace, which I empathised very much, was a crazy experimental number by French Sara Martinet. Her act "Le Bain" (The bath) was about finding ways to move and dance in the tub, by the tub, over the tub, partly in the tub, above the tub…with and without water. Martinet was accompanied by electric drum improvisation. I was impressed with the material this crazy dancer could produce, but also amused since the whole performance was so "arty-farty" that a "Normal viewer" didn’t stand a chance. The main problem was only that the forum was not really good for this contemporary number. Audience was mostly children and parents who had come to see the circus, and who soon became inpatient looking at the girl swirling madly in the tub.
After the performances I bought really nice slip on-shoes and went to study Spanish to a bar, where I accidentally met my new Galician friends. The last show was at ten. "My flatmate & co.’s" performance was visual puppet theatre based on a popular comic strip. I enjoyed it very much. The act was really professional and funny. At that point I was already very tired, and the performance was in Catalan, and so I let myself go, and didn’t even try to understand anything- just let myself enjoy the visuals.
The reloading of the van, getting food, the trip back to Barcelona and unloading the van caused that we didn’t get home until 3am. Now it’s almost 5pm and I’m finishing my breakfast (chiabatta bread with olive oil, turkey and cheese, nectarines and coffee). I think I will use the rest of the afternoon taking a relevant step in adapting to the Barcelona rhythm. I’m going jogging to Avinguda Meridiana. I have seen a lot of joggers there, so it must be possible. Wish me luck, dear readers.
5.10. I ate TOO MUCH!
By Avinguda Meridiana there is a sports park where you can go to run, play basketball, ping-pong, minigolf (if you want to call it a sport) or go to the gym. Jogging by the boulevard was not exactly a dream come true, even though there is a sanded route for sprinters. A jogger will have to stop in traffic lights after every 200 meters, or simply run around the block, of which I got bored after the eight round. Nunu said that the only proper place for jogging is park Montjuïc.
Last night Carol and her friend took Kaisa and me to have some tapas’. We went beyond the commercial centre to Cornellá, where we found a place where the locals meet. We had five different plates of seafood and meat, and a can of sangria and we finished it all up. It was so good! I wasn’t hungry at all, but I kept eating only for the taste. Besides the more you eat the more you save money - the price was somewhat half of what it would have been around La Rambla. That’s the beauty of having local friends! I headed from Cornellá to St. Andreu at 1am after being warned about thieves and robbers. Carol’s been cleaned twice in Barcelona. Getting robbed is a traumatizing experience and weakens your feeling of security. However, if you decide to come to a big city with these kinds of problems, you need to face the fact that there’s a risk of getting cleaned. There’s nothing you can do about it other than using common sense - not carrying big amounts of money, not to keep your cards and money in the same place, not being at the wrong place at the wrong time. I was told that if you need to travel by nigh (probably from a club to your home), choose bus instead of metro.
It’s Sunday. Locals are having dinners with their families. I wonder if any museum is open on Sundays. Perhaps I civilize myself and have language bath watching Pedro Almadóvar’s film Volver.
DONDE es TODOS?
The time seems to stand still on a Sunday afternoon. The whole nation is watching football on the TV after dinner. Streets and parks, that are normally the hotspots of the neighbourhood social life, are empty. Only sign of life is neighbours hanging laundry on their balconies.
The day is warm enough to wear flip-flops. I went to a park to study my book and get some sun. I finished reading the letter from the author (2 pages) of Zafón’s novel. Nobody laugh! It’s a fine achievement from a beginner! I feel a little trapped hanging at my flat since I would like to do something while I still have free time (which ends tomorrow when the school starts), but I don’t know anybody, and going aimlessly somewhere doesn’t sound like a fun thing to do. I want to be adopted into some Spanish family!
6.10. HANDS OFF OF MY RYE BREAD!!!
I was in a grill at nigh. I didn’t have any money, but the lady in the kiosk buttered me very carefully two slices of roasted rye bread. I had 1,50 Euros and I asked what can I get with them, and the lady put some salade and tomato between the slices and gave it to me. Then I was in the house where I used to live a child. I don’t remember the reason, but a teacher I didn’t know before gave my bread back to me. I started eating but realized that the fillings were gone. I was in the top floor of the house and I kept looking for the door where the teacher was. Then I found a door with light behind it. And there I found the teacher, who claimed that I shouldn’t eat such unhealthy things, so she had taken them off. I was really mad at her because I didn’t believe her. She was fat, and I thought she had eaten them herself.
Obviously this was a dream I had last night. It’s first school day in the morning. All the sudden I feel like having rye bread for breakfast.
7.10. So, my Finnish friend. You THINK you can TAKE IT?
The first two days at school have gone relatively nicely. The students in my classes are very nice, and with the stuff we’re doing - very physical with mucho mucho contacto - I feel quite comfortable. I’m having courses of dance improvisation, pantomime, techniques of acting (Alexander technique), plain mask technique and theatre make up. The bitchy thing that happened was that my wisdom tooth (I don’t know if it’s called "wisdom tooth" in English - I mean the last teeth in the back that appear after teenage) infected and went really sore. I was suffering all the day and after school went straight to bed with a can of cold beer against my cheek. Today I felt a little better, but the tooth was still sore, which impacted my mood and concentration.
There’s still a doze of adrenalin in my blood whenever I need to get something done in Spanish, but I have managed to keep my nose above the water even though most of Castilian (The Spanish call Spanish language Castilian) goes above my head. Most importantly, I can handle simple situations in Spanish, which gives me self-confidence. Today I wanted to take part into a workshop, which combines dance-theatre and Shakespeare. I was really interested in the workshop, but the first session was so stressful I decided to let it be for now. I have never heard anyone speaking so quickly than the director of the workshop. Sometimes I didn’t even know if he was speaking Castilian or Catalan. I was really stressed from the beginning because I knew I had to open my mouth, and then, when I had to say something I lost all my vocabulary. I felt I wasn’t getting any support from the director and he was very hard on my disabilities. The hardest situation is that you try to express something that you feel is very personal in a foreign language and you are being misunderstood. When he left the class other students asked me "aren’t you afraid of him". I probably just didn’t understand him enough to be afraid of him.
I guess a typical problem for me is that the native speaker speaks with it’s own rhythm and instinctually I adapt myself to other speakers rhythm, but can’t produce speech equally fast and then stumble and choke.
After school I bought a sweet pastry fro a "patesseria" to prove myself that I can do it. A cup of coffee and something sweet to eat sometimes cheers you up surprisingly!
8.10. I learned the BAD WORDS in Spanish
I missed the train in the morning and was late half an hour. I didn’t take enough time to get to the train in the first place and when I got to the platform the train was already moving. ¡Coño!
¡Me gusto mucho curso de dansa de señora Hernández! We do a lot of meditative breathing exercises before the actual dance, which is mostly different kind of improvisations and contact exercises. Firstly I feel that the exercises help me to find a breathy and controlled way to move. We study breathing and the small muscles in the lower body. They’re the small muscles that keep your movement controlled. Without them it’s hard to maintain balance. Putting some thought to your body’s centre helped me immediately to do pirouettes or other a little more acrobatic movements. We danced to a flamenco singer named Buika. Perhaps even more importantly, the meditation and breathing exercises help me come back to present moment. I forget stress and panicking about vocabulary. I feel like I understand what Hernández says, even though I mostly don’t. I can come back to my body and be a dancer. I feel good after the classes - again ready to face the Spanish-Catalan world. Oxygen - brain needs oxygen. When you panic, you forget to breathe and the brain doesn’t get it’s precious oxygen. Breath.. breath… breath…
When I listen to my body, it says that the stupid tooth is bad. I really need to get it removed… ¡Merda!
Thursrday 9.10. DON’T worry, JUST do it
After school I went to Caixa Catalan (Bank) to pay the rent. I wanted to ask if it’s possible to pay bills or make a deposit without opening an account. After 15 minutes of talking in Spanish with the patient lady and a Catalan interpret, who interfered, I left the bank feeling humiliated about how badly the conversation had gone. In the train back to Barcelona I had a time to learn some words I would need when I tried again. I realized that it’s best just to concentrate on the essential first to get the things done. Then I went to bank again and paid the darn rent and there was nothing difficult about it. Done! I’m so happy realizing that I’m capable of handling situations without feeling stressed. On the way home I bought some watermelon form a"fruteria" - just because it’s so easy!
There are three boys in the first grade, with whom I have many courses, and two of the guys are obviously in love with each other. I’m so jealous to them that I could...! …. I can’t think of anything bad really, they’re such a cute couple. But WHY can’t I be in love! There is so much love in this town, where’s my part of it?
DEAR READERS. IF YOU MEET THE WRITER OF THIS TEXT WITHOUT A LEASH, PLEASE INFORM A POLICE AUTHORITY OR THE NEAREST ZOO
I’m very exited about another course that started today. It’s the "Mascara 1", the course of mask theatre technique. Wearing a simple mask that doesn’t have any expression is quite an experience if you reflect to acting or dancing. The challenge and also the magic of "mascara" is that you don’t have your facial expressions in use, but a performer can still be equally "present" carrying an impression of a fictional character, as a traditional actor. Mask theatre is basically about articulation - not meaning only physical articulation (which is an essential part of the technique), but articulation of characters actions. In theatre we get touched when something reflects us in a deeper lever. It’s not that it’s "his story" or "her story", but the material that reflect to our own experiences and attitudes. Otherwise we couldn’t pass any beggar in the street without giving some money. Mask characters articulate the characters actions without empathising the personality the way a played character in a theatre does. This way we can make notions about the world and make the viewer realize that it’s not about THIS character whose story is told, but all the phenomenons and people. The words I learned today are "limpio", "puro", both meaning pure, clean - a movement can be clean, and "descubrir", - to discover.
It’s time to plan the weekend. I definitely am going to have a haircut.
Saturday 12.10. "Unique style on sale!"
After the first week in the Institute I feel great! All the dance, exercises and meditation are not good only for your professional skills - they also treat your soul. Yesterday evening I felt I have all the dimensions around me in use. I was tired and went to bed early after rewarding myself with some shopping. I went to c.Hospitalet near la Rambla to check out the used record shop there nearby. I found some nice disco vinyls priced form 6 to 20 euros from a shop named Wah-Wah. I prefer to buy records for cheaper than the actual value of them. I bought Deborah Washington’s LP, that consists the disco gem "Standing in the shadow of love". This great up-tempo Platters-cover consists loads and loads of whirling strings and horns. That’s disco, babe!
There is market for books and use drecords on St. Antoni market on Sunday mornings. I’ll go there tomorrow.
On the same side street (c. Baixa) you can find also some funky second hand shops. The clothes are clean, ironed and selected and prized as new-ones. I felt a little stupid checking out the prizes of clothes that you could find almost for free from a recycling centre or grandma’s attic. I’m not sure about the terms, but a vintage cloth should be a well-known brand that reflects ageless design or/and superior quality. Otherwise the cloth is only an old rack. You can wear them and have nice funky style, but there’s no point paying big money for these peaces. The fact that there are shops like these that state: "old is gold", is a sign of that individualism is a recognized mainstream thing. And as a result: "Luckily we have done the dirty work for you, and you can buy your individual style here!" I think it’s only a richness to have lots of subcultures, but when it comes to clothes, I think it’s much more rewarding to find something that is worthless to someone else but a piece of gold for you.
Nearby my flat in St. Andreu there is an outlet-mall named Heron city. There you can find outlet-shops for some Spanish brands such as Mango, Lefties, Bershka, Pull & Bear. There’s also a boutique that sells Diesel and Pepe Jeans quite cheap. If we study the stuff they sell, the Spanish should be crazy for big logos - especially in shoes. Here you can get away looking streetwise with lots of garments that would be considered tacky in Finland, such as all-gold and silver sneakers, white jeans and giant logos. (Another question is: right clothes for right place and time? A good look can be ruined simply being at the wrong place. Golden sneakers are probably a YES in a nightclub in Rio, but a No-No in a December rain in Turku). When in Rome - do Like the Romans do! I bought jeans from Bull & Bear for 17 euros. They’re just a little baggy with some big pockets - perfect for the practical and comfortable "I work at a construction field and I can hunt my own food, but I smell nice" -look
I also found the wonderful record of Buika. I stayed at home, had some pasta and beer and enjoyed the passion on flamenco.
¡Una otra cosa! I forgot to mention something very important - On Thursday day I managed to tell a joke in Spanish!!!
Social privacy and private socializing
- ESPIRO, TIENES TIEMPO
Today I made another shopping tourney at Heron city just for the pleasure of nibbling fabrics and textures. I hade an excuse that I needed cloth hangers, that I naturally forgot. I didn’t buy anything, even though a pair of black shiny leather party shoes was a close call. Then I thought I’d walk to the city central to see how long the way is by walking. Three quarters of the way I ended having a beer and "bocadillo" (a filled batonque) for lunch in Parc de Nord, which probably was the most expensive place for a sandwich. At the park I met a Finnish couple, who - because Finland is only a one big village- were the parents of my friends girlfriend. How weird it was to talk Finnish! After almost two weeks of struggling, I should have had been glad to say something in my mothers tongue, but in a weird way I was a little annoyed. Perhaps it was that without a preparation my privacy was disturbed. It’s a private space inside the language wall. It’s usually up to me to reach outside the wall for others. Anyhow. We chatted and then I took a metro back home and had a nap. Exceptionally exhausting afternoon.
Right now I’m feeling again like I’m trapped at home. I would like to see someone, go somewhere and do something. But I’m scared. I don’t know so many people in the city yet besides Nunu and Carol, and if I go out alone tonight, which I could just as well do, I would be stepping out of my comfort zone. I’d like to go to a bar, meet someone, have some cocktails, socialize and chat with strangers. After all, I’m in Barcelona and it’s a Saturday night! My disaster fantasy - being in a crowded and loud bar (which is challenging environment to a native speaker), not being able to order what I like, not being aware of the social codes, wanting to approach someone, but being unable to communicate... - all this perhaps keeps me home yet another weekend. I have deserved some time to chill out - not pushing myself to talk Spanish and to socialize, even though I’m desperate to make a contact. I want to participate the social life, but I want to do it just for fun, without any stress. The first time is always stressful off course, and I’m NOT going to spend every weekend of this year at my flat. Timo, I’m going to tell you this only once. This is very important, so listen carefully: You are not a looser and a quitter if you stay at home tonight. Listen to your heart. Breath. You’ve got lots of weekends ahead of you. Don’t push it. Just relax. Tienes tiempo - you’ve got time.
13.10. Shopping and eating make a great on Sunday.
It’s the Spanish national day. I watched the march on TV and heard the fireworks in the neighbourhood. In the march all the Spanish-speaking countries were represented and there was an atmosphere like in a carnival in Rio. Finnish independence day is on the other edge of the diameter. We sit on our sofas and watch people shaking hands with the president for three and half hours. Imagine! What would be more boring than look at a slowly proceeding cue in TV?! And yet that’s one of the most watched TV-programmes every year! Oh, we Finns must be a little crazy.
Market at St. Antoni was a pleasant surprise. I didn’t expect much, since the used-record-sector the on Friday wasn’t so great, but this one’s really nice. You can find mostly old books - any kind of books, but also used and some new magazines, videogames, posters, postcards and other collectable items. I found especially entreating champagne bottle cork cover-collection and vintage Playboy’s from the 1960’s. I bought some reprinted propaganda posters for my room. There also was a stand that sold movie posters. There I found Pedro Almodóvar’s "Volver" poster, and now I have the Penélope Cruz’ lovely face decorating my room.
Then I returned to Heroin village and bought the black shoes. I should have seen it coming.
14.10.
I feel much more relaxed about speaking Spanish even though my vocabulary is still quite narrow, and I haven’t got a clue about the time tenses. Fernández’ dance course consists meditative breathing exercises that help me to remember breathing and relaxation. I can’t believe studying can be so much fun. Dancing, relaxation, breathing, more dancing, meditation, reading books… Today we had contact improvisation. We were all sweaty an all over each others, which was a really an empowering experience. More concentration needs to be put to listening the body of the other person. It’s fantastic to get to do this kind of exercises that require trust and listening not only with people I have just met, but also without having any other way of communicating. I felt like I could go on forever dancing, and the limits of my body were further than normally. Perhaps I get power from touching other people. At least a touch relaxes and opens blocks in your body.
In Spain you never can be 100% sure that the train is going to come on time, the shop is going to be opened tomorrow or that you don’t need to pay anything. Today the market where I would have liked to buy my lunch salad, was closed without any obvious reason. I pondered my options and decided to have a "menu del dia" in a local lunch bar. I took it as an opportunity to try this Catalan speciality, beans with bits of different kinds of sausages. The subscription is also a definition of the taste.
I enjoyed shopping at my local supermarket. Everything is just little bit cheaper than in Finland and I threw things to my basket more ore less impulsively. Chiabatta, vegetables, fruits, olives, beans, beer… fresh spinach! They have fresh spinach! With 25 euros I got almost a week’s food. I’m going to make some bean-egg-tuna-salad and a "makaronilaatikko" - own cooked macaroni with meat, sometimes vegetables and cheese. The dance and exercising has turned me into a health-fanatic. Fibres, proteins, carbos, fruits, bread, yoghurt, meat - must get them to get through the day. Ok, I bought also a little dark chocolate.
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